Brian had to open for his comedy nemesis. But at least he’s not bitter about it.
Topics on the day include the reason why who writes a joke first pales in comparison to who tells it first, headliners who can’t follow their opening act, playing to the back of the room, finding your voice, and Brian finally tells a joke that people like and can’t even remeber it. “I invented who’s your daddy!”
Email: brianmcomedy@gmail.com and give us a call on 206-203-4692
‘Who’s your daddy?’
fuck….errrr, I wrote a joke where the punchline was ‘especially when she is ACTUALLY your daughter’ – thank fully never used it on stage…….yet!
I think that Petsmart rant was on the Valentine’s 2007 episode.
Hey y’all…
Anybody in LA wanna help run an open mic next Wednesday?
I’ve got a stage with bright lights in a nice resurant that usually has good crowd, but none of my buddies is in town to help me keep the show on track. No pay, but a fun way to get some stage time and play a new club on the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving.
—D
Hey, thanks for the tips Brian. The last show touched on something I’m getting paranoid about: steeling material. I did an open mic last Friday, and a comedian complimented me and also said he would steal my material… he wasn’t that great, but had the loudest ‘professional’ stage presence… and the drunkenness was apparent.
What the hell is up with this guy? Is this an example of a common comedian archetype I’ll have to deal with?
Anyways, I did what I was told…and practiced my act. It did wonders, not enough so that chicks ran up and gave me their phone number… but eh that’s for another day.
Anyways, here are some observations from my 3rd open mic night (for reference my first two were at a small bar, this 3rd was a slightly more professional show at a Comedy Sportz.):
-On stage, as long as my jokes get laughs… it’s really difficult to gauge just how many laughs the jokes are getting. I’m too concerned about delivering the material to pay attention.
-The anxiety before going up and even during the whole day is much worse than being on stage.
-Eating with friends a couple of hours before the show is a horrible idea. Eating after the show is a great idea.
-I can not tell how sincere a comedian’s compliment is.
-The extreme disparity between the amazing and the lousy comedians makes me smile.
Looking forward to show #100!
if I could fly out and skip school, I’d do it in a second dennis. But unfortunately no can. Good luck finding people to help you.
Hey Brian, thanks for the warm welcome. You are wide of the mark on the seashells, however. The gayest thing I’ve had in my hair is mousse, gel, and on one occasion semen (rule of threes, bitches). The name is no reflection on my tastes or lifestyle but one I’ve been using in one form or another for over twenty years.
I don’t mean to beat a dead horse but I stumbled upon this video or Norm on Stern http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5GpyJQdc_I and he says some very revealing things about his approach. The other 5 parts of the interview are worth watching as well.
That Norm interview is terrific.
Marty,
Good to hear things went well for you at the Open Mic. As for the self-proclaimed thief, was he actually serious about stealing your jokes or was he just trying to be funny? From your description, it sounds like he might be one of those guys who’s always “on”. If he was seriously going to steal your jokes, he probably wouldn’t tell you.
Yeah, he’d just do them in Kansas.
Hey Brian! So good to see BTB is alive and STRONG. I have checked in a few times over the past year, but am now catching up on a cache of shows.
After taking a year off, I’m happy to say I conquered my anxiety over some happenings in a ‘workshop’ a year ago. I realized how much I absolutely love the stage and how little one opinion means. I don’t try to get hung up on anything except the audience’s reaction (or lack thereof) and a few folks who really have challenged me to dig deeper in my writing and performance.
It’s terrifying and exhilarating and crazy – and not everyone’s cut out for it, but when you know you are, you just know. And I’m more sure than ever.
Marty – take everything with a grain of salt. There are so many doucehbags out there. What I’ve found is that the comics around you are good barometers – you can tell who they really listen to and who they don’t – and what’s ego and what’s not. It’s just part of getting in the scene IMHO. But be careful – you can get *too* into the scene.
Brian, I’m not totally caught up on the past year or so of shows, but man, you have got to touch on the pitfalls of the local comedy scene… I’m sure you’ve got a bevy of stories – but man, I just can’t warn comics enough to watch your own back and keep your reputation at the forfront of your mind.
So, things I’m thankful for: every minute I can get on stage. Great writing friends/comedy buddies. Those who come out to every show I do and sit through sometimes dozens of comics and still laugh. Club owners who put me up. Being fat enough to tell fat jokes. And, of course, BTB! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Good to see you back Amelia – guys look! A real live girl!!!
A girl? Quick, what do we do? Let’s make a bunch of jokes in the hope she’ll like us. That method always goes over so well with comedy club waitresses.
On a completely unrelated note, my latest column just got published over on AOL. If anyone is interesting in reading it, I would love to get a little BTB feedback on it:
http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/11/26/tv-101-how-beer-commercials-got-barack-obama-elected-or-presi/
Thanks!
I listened to Hate Breeds Hilarity while cooking my Thanksgiving Day Dinner, and it turned out GREAT!
Thanks Behind the Bricks!
You’re very welcome red, and Happy Thanksgiving everyone. At least to the American listeners, not the Godless foreigners.
Who didn’t gain 20 pounds after yesterday?
Eff I’m missing my BTB fix.
Hope you enjoyed thanksgiving my American cousins…..and the land you ‘borrowed’ from the Indians.
that was a really funny article Jay, i really liked the part where everybody wants at least one black freind.
On an unrelated note: I was doing a show on thanksgiving at ten, it was called luagh away the pounds or something and haflway through my fifteen minute set some drunken heckler started yelling out joke requests. but the request werent for my jokes they were for considerably more famous jokes like:
“SUPER NIGGER”,
“7 DIRTY WORDS YOU CANT SAY ON TELEVISION”, and
“AT MIDNIGHT I WILL KILL GEORGE LUCAS WITH A SHOVEL”.
Now normally i would try to veerbally destroy him but there were two problems:
1) this was a family show so my stock lines were almost useless. nobody wants to hear a 19 year old smartass tell there grandfather to take the cock out of his ass.
2) this guy was obviously a comedy nerd and practically a brother in arms so i didnt know whether to hate him or embrace him. very weird night.
Oh yeah. So. Like. Can I buy christmas comedy cd’s through this website or what? The store is like dead right? And…. or is there a code to put in on Amazon for BTB…..I thought I would get my shopping and charity work all done with one or two clicks.
Not to ramble. But if I am going to buy something anyway….?
Is this question too gay-Amway like?
There IS something wrong with me.
Too much cool whip, not enough vagina.
Alright guys, something to mull over before the show. I suppose it’s an age old complaint, especially from comedy nerds and practitioners like us. I’m inspired by Patrick’s woes – and it looks like it happens on both sides of the pond. We’ve talked about it on the show before but I thought I’d get it down here – needless to say I’m still pissed off even though it’s been a week.
So last weekend I went to the comedy club in the big town over from mine with 4 friends of mine. None of them know I’ve started in stand up (that’s another story) but one of them I’ve went to many comedy shows before so we’re pretty knowledgeable about it. I have to say that the whole experience has really put me off comedy clubs for good. I’ve tolerated them before, especially if someone good was playing but this night was horrendous. There was two stag dos and a hen do in plus a HUGE number of people from the same place of work having their Friday night out.
The show began with a whimper, it seems the sound guy had walked out a few weeks before so a half hearted announcement came over the tannoy to introduce the compere; a so-so mc who did his best with the mob. Some hacky back and forth invited some of the most irritating heckling I’ve ever heard.
MC: ‘Where are you guys from?
Arsehole in crowd: ‘Knob heads-R-US!’
Me: Someone shoot that cunt (under breath)’
The stag and hens just couldn’t give a shit and the work do put out their stalls by just talking amongst themselves. Where we were, stage left at the back all we could here was work chat and ‘Oh, there’s comedy too.’
The middle act was great, a laid back Australian called Aaron Counter who sat on a stool telling his jokes and stories with aplomb. But the absolute cunts in the audience couldn’t care less. There was pockets of laughter but with people blatantly talking rather than heckling What the fuck an a comic do? Aaron was cool, I liked him and felt sorry for him, esp when he ended his set saying ‘You’ve been at best patchy.’
The second half started with the same dampness as the first with the MC doing some boring parody songs on his guitar. None of the arseholes from the huge group gave a shit and kept their riveting, distracting conversation through the horrendous headliner who littered his set with hacky, shitty, boring material. Difference between men and women? Tampons? You shitty kids? I don’t care. I was relived when it was over but angry that I’d paid £12 for a ticket. Even moreso cause I bet my friends are totally put off live comedy now.
Where was the club security? Where was a decent compere? Where were the decent comics? The smaller, DIY comedy nights in this region, run by comics are far more professional. It’s terrible because this is the only big club in the region – everything else is run out of pubs, theatres or even cinemas. My region has a good scene, esp for newcomers like me, but it’s irritating that purposively the biggest and best club has this to offer. It has a good New Material night on a Monday but the weekend is when the drunk cunts obviously come out. I’ve been there before and it was exactly like that again – the management obviously don’t give a shit and are loving their monopoly I imagine.
I’m happy to see the scene burgeon however – a new night has just been established at a funky, indie cinema which debuted last night….I’ll have to check that out. I’m off tonight to see some other up and comers and another open mic in town so it’s not all bad.
But I still hate that club and the morons that populate it – comedy clubs suck sometimes!
When I say “charity”, I mean like “cut”, in the holiday way. I’m not trying to imply that Brian is the frail and crippled Tiny Tim of comedy or anything.
Phew! What was the matter with my ass yesterday? – the night last night at this other place was great; a mix of good newcomers with some more seasoned people in a cool little bar. It wasn’t an open mic – but a very hip, trendy place with, dare I say, more clever comedy. a breath of fresh air after that shit. Good to see some of my new friends in comedy get up and kill – then think ‘Jesus, that guy is 3 years younger than me.’
I had to laugh, the organiser and MC was this cool American but he did use the line about Obama bringing in ’spinners on Air Force One’ and ‘parking the White House limo on the lawn’……I’ll let him off cause he put a great night together.
Anyone else spot black president jokes yet?
I’ve seen literally hundreds of black president jokes. It’s almost as if there’s a joke book given out to every “ethnic” comedian that offers this piece of joke construction advice:
If [insert ethnicity of the comedian] were [insert position usually reserved for a different ethnicity] it would be all like [insert commonly held stereotypes about the ethnicity of the comedian applied to the position].
To quote Billy Crystal: it’s not fun; it’s not funny.
–
As for Patrick’s dilemma, I think part of the problem in dealing with any heckler is the belief that it has to be a putdown when you talk to them. If he’s not necessarily attacking you, you don’t have to attack them. Sometimes just engaging them is enough to quiet them down. In the case you outlined, it might have been worthwhile to simply ask:
“Are you a comedy fan? Those are some good references.” When he replies in the positive, say, “well, that’s awesome. I’d love to talk comedy. I’d do it right now, but I’m a little busy right now performing a comedy show. Do you think, maybe, you could stay quiet until then?”
Not necessarily funny, but if I guarantee you if you say the above line correctly, the audience will laugh. And, if they’re as annoyed as I think they’d be at this guy, you might get an applause break out of agreement. Unless the guy is over-the-top drunk, he’ll be shamed into silence and you don’t have to worry about using stock lines (or elevating the situation into a shouting match).
I’m a firm believer in the -gentle- heckler conversation. Until, of course, it’s time to stop being nice. How do you know when it’s time not to be nice? You have to check with Patrick Swayze…
On a unrelated note:
Brian, have you covered the subject of being sick while doing comedy? I was reminded of Chris Rock’s assertion on Howard Stern from a few months ago that there “ain’t no sick in showbiz” last Saturday night when I went on while fighting off fever shakes and a head encased in a block of snot. I was trying to think the last time I cancelled a show due to illness and literally couldn’t think of one. I felt like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable.
There are a few reasons why you wouldn’t call in sick to comedy clubs — namely that if you do you won’t get paid and probably won’t get asked back — but I’m wondering if there’s something else there. Is it that comedians are dumb enough to perform through anything? Do we actually love our shitty job that much?
I mean, I would call out of my day job at the merest hint of an illness. You’d have to stab me at least ten or eleven times to get me to CONSIDER taking a night off from comedy…
One last thing… to all the BTB contributers who perform comedy: what’s the _sickest_ you’ve ever been and still gotten up and performed? For me I would say:
1. Last Saturday night, I had the flu pretty bad. Achy, head encased in snot, fever, sore throat. I got through the first show no problem, but the last ten or fifteen minutes of the second show were pretty tough. The manager — a friend of mine, thank God — took pity on me and gave me the light at 40 minutes, instead of the usual 45. The audience didn’t really notice anything, but those extra five minutes meant the world to me.
2. When I first started emceeing, I was doing a Steve Bix gig in Allentown PA. The Headliner was nowhere to be found, so I was sent to his hotel room to see if he had overslept or something. I RAN at full speed and when I tried to stop at the Headliner’s door, I twisted my ankle so hard that to this day I have issues with it. Of course, it turned out that the headliner showed up at the show approximately two seconds before I ran out to find him. I limped back and then did the show while monitoring the Ripley’s Believe it or Not swelling in my right ankle.
I’d like to hear your stories if you’re so inclined. I’m sure that someone out there has out-toughed me…
“You’d have to stab me at least ten or eleven times to get me to CONSIDER taking a night off from comedy…”
Wow Jay you’re like a comedy 50 cent!
It’s interesting about comics being sick….so many have just powered on. Bill Hicks was on stage mere weeks before he died. Robert Schimmel talks about breaking out when he was in treatment to get on stage. He replies that he ‘had to.’ I suppose that desire…it’s a compulsion moreso than your average job.
Well, he hasn’t been stabbed yet, so he’s just talking big with no game. So, Bow-Wow? Marky Mark?
I take that as a challenge! From this point forward, I will spend every waking minute on the day of the show challenging rough-looking types to stab me. It might be a little over-the-top, but if that’s what I need to do to win the respect of people I haven’t met on a blog-style comment thread, then, dammit, I’m willing to take that risk.
If you stab them first, you’ve won my respect. Probably should close with it, though, so you can maybe still get paid.
I would never allow someone to stab me _on stage_. That would make me a prop act, and even if I lived through the attack, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
Speaking of prop acts, (this is embarrassing but…) is there anyone else out there who’s annoyed to all hell by Carrot Top, but when you were a kid, you thought he was funny? I used to laugh my balls off watching him. Maybe it’s just a maturity thing, I don’t know (although I still find Ernest Goes to Camp to be hilarious — go fig).
I’ll take your embarrassment a step further: I don’t think Carrot Top is _that bad_. I’ve never been a fan of prop acts, but so far as visual puns are concerned, Carrot Top is actually pretty good at what he does.
Give me his stuff over another DeNiro impression or another Miss Piggy having sex with Kermit bit or “Could you imagine if there was a [insert race here] President!?” bit any day of the week. There’s no dignity in being a pure monologist if your monologue is filled with shit we’ve heard a million times before.
(Has anybody ever seen or heard of a prop act called “The Legendary Wid?” I’ve worked with him a few times in Philly and I’d put his act up against _anybody’s_. He brings a sack of garbage — really, found items, but essentially garbage — and then proceeds to riff on what he finds in his piles. About half of it is rehearsed, the rest is improved on the spot. I think he’s a genius of the Rain Man variety…)
Thanks, Nick. As for your question about Security (and Patrick’s comment, et al)… I’ve been to a lot of shows (in the crowd)… maybe about 150 as a crowd member… And I’ve only seen someone asked to leave one time, and that’s after he threw up. Yeah. I don’t tihnk many club owners want to risk losing even one customer – cause that customer may bring friends, or not and unfortunately club owners seem to want to keep the peace. Unfortunately it’s at a cost to the show, in many cases.
Lucky for me that my 10 solid minutes doesn’t yield much heckling and I’m just able to ignore it… cause, hell, I’m up there to hear me anyhow, not them.
Jay, congrats on the article. Citizen Journalism Forever!
Sickest? 102 fever after Nyquil. Again, was only up for a few minutes, but I cracked a few jokes about it (never getting sick at opportune times). I’d never be able to call in sick for a show – it must go on. And not to bring up poop, but I had the total crappypants from a medication change and had to do an opener slot. I was miserable and was convinced that every oopsie would be a poopsie, as they say. Let’s just say I ended my set at the flashy light instead of getting my whole 10 in… but ending it early was best for everyone.
Token Scot – I fucking hate Carrot Top as a comic – but he is damn sexy. The hate only comes from my utter lack of success in my own life. I mean, you can’t fault a guy for doing something great enough to be a “success”. Kinda like Dane Cook. I liked CT when I was younger. And I liked Dane Cook until I entered my late 20s.
*sigh* I missed you guys.
And I shall end there. I am a lady.
Jay – the Legendary Wid sounds like an unmissable act!
He reminds me of an unhinged Irish lady who used to perform on the London open-mike circuit a few years back . She’d pick on a random female in the audience, “borrow” her handbag, then remove it’s contents on stage and loudly analyse each item to get a personal profile of the poor audience member. I don’t remember this act having much in the way of jokes, but it made for undeniably compulsive viewing.
Also, a question for B-Mo. Do you have idea whats happening with the Stand Up Orlando podcast? Hearing their show was always a monthly Ipod treat for me, but there’s not been a new podcast since September. Are they no more? I hope not.
first off kudos to Jay Black for busting out an Unbreakable refrence, and although I cant say I would still go up if I was stabbed I’m pretty sure I’d still go up if I was only pistol whipped. nothing makes you funnier than a mild concussion.
I’ve never really gone up sick, although I have gone up high. Not the pot kind of high the med kind of high. I had just busted up my arm pretty bad but the worst was behng me the night i was performing. however it was really aching so i took one to many painkillers and when I finally took the stage it looked like a trip out of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I bombed that night for obvious reasons, bt the main reason being that I fucked up the joke order and my sentances did’nt make any sense. I’m definitly not doing that again.
on carrot top: love him or hate him you gotta respect him. although prop comedy is almost extinct carrot top is probably one of the richest comics working today. im pretty sure he has joint custody of las vegas right along with chris angel.
an a completely unrelated note: I think i just shot the last of my political load for awhile with an essay I just wrote on my site(blog, ego builder, delusion dream machine, ect.) and I’m pretty proud of it. It’ called MAVERICK! and I encourage anybody to look it over and critique it. oddly enough I’ve never been after praise and would much rather constructive criticism.
whoo, time for a sandwich and a nap.
Speaking of prop acts…
So for my comeback show, I decided to do an open-mic in my dorm in front of most of my friends, which is always a good idea. Unfortunately, everyone else in front of me on the sign-up had bailed, so I was called first.
In order to have a dramatic opening, I decided to use, for the first time ever, my bottle-opening belt buckle. I figured I’d open it and then say something like “Ah-ha, you should see what I can do WITHOUT my pants!” Unfortunately, my longneck was shaken like crazy and then exploded all over everything. Fun.
It was a pretty decent show. Long story short, my premade jokes went over decently, but my improvised lines seemed to do better. I did maybe 5 or 7 minutes.
I was convinced my next show was going to be a mess. It would be in front of strangers, wouldn’t have such a large audience, and would have to be significantly cleaned up. Furthermore, when I arrived, the people in front of me were playing piano concertos. THAT’S a great warm-up for stand-up.
I had some jokes in my line-up and—despite all of your protests to do otherwise—mostly winged it. I literally asked the audience “alright, who wants to get made fun of?” I got someone to agree and I did some crowd work. I made some jokes about the venue and other off-the-cuff sort of things.
My second show was better than the first—the opposite of what I expected. The crowd was constantly laughing and I felt more comfortable on stage. Sweet!
I’m sure that you’ve said something about it, but I didn’t know how much going first sucks. You really have to warm up the crowd and act as a sort of comedic fluffer. But later, when I went second, people were warmed up. Warmed up with piano solos, but still.
This is way too long, but figured y’all would want a more detailed account that more “got scared, did well” or whatever stories.
Oh, and thanks Brian for including me on the show. Totally shocked me, yanked me back to my iPod.